It’s Too Late to Optimize

It's too late to optimize lyrics.

For those of you who optimize, and benefitted from a more efficient online store or higher lead conversion rate this holiday season, we straighten our lab coats and salute. You should enjoy one of our more cheerful holiday treats.

For those that aren’t going into this holiday season with a 20%, 30% or more revenue lift from this year’s optimization efforts, we offer this cautionary tale set to the music of Timbaland feat. One Republic.

2016 is just around the corner. Don’t be singing this song next year.

Sing along to the instrumental video at the bottom of the post.

I’m holding onto hope
Got the holidays coming ‘round
It’s Black Friday night
But my cart don’t make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and simply bounce
But wait…
You tell me that you’re sorry
Then you bought from someone else, and said…

That it’s too late to optimize, it’s too late
I should have hypothesized, it’s too late

I want another chance, make a call, add to cart, click through
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
(But that’s nothing new)
Yeah yeah

I offered you a discount, fifteen percent, it’s true
And you say
Sorry like the buyer Google let me think was you,
But I’m afraid

It’s too late to optimize, it’s too late
My shoppers were traumatized, it’s too late
Woahooo woah

It’s too late to optimize, it’s too late
No calls to super-size, it’s too late
I shouldn’t have compromised, it’s too late
I just didn’t realize, it’s too late
My site wasn’t quantified, it’s too late
I’m going to be down-sized, it’s too late
And now I am ostracized, it’s too late
A hanky to wipe my eyes, it’s too late

I’m holding onto hope
Got the holidays coming ‘round…

 

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Brian Massey is the Founder and Conversion Scientist at Conversion Sciences. He is the author of Your Customer Creation Equation. His rare combination of interests, experience and neuroses were developed over almost 20 years as a computer programmer, entrepreneur, corporate marketer, international speaker and writer.

Categories: Ecommerce